I can be unreasonable sometimes!

Can I be unreasonable? I know my Mum was. Can I be as bad as her? I guess my Ex-boyfriend sees it that way. I guess he thinks that when I get mad I am intolerable and that not telling me things that will make me mad is his best defence.

I have lost a few friends over the past 10 years. And willing to lose another, had my ex-b not pleaded his reasons for being so deceitful to me. I guess the real question is whether or not it is reasonable for me to be mad with him for getting the job, not whether or not it was reasonable for him to decide that the best way to cope with me was to lie about it.

I had not been a Director of the company for 8 years when ex-b was approached by the CEO to join a newly formed board, of only 4 people. I had employed two of those people myself, and Stephen was the other member. He was always a Director, since day one, and other than me, he had been almost totally the sole director for 17 years at this time. I had come and go a couple of times, first for 5 years, because you needed two in those days, and then for another 2 yrs later in the piece. But since I left there had only been one, and that was Stephen.

Ex-b's excuse was that I was long gone, and he did not tell me because he knew I would be upset.

Should I get upset with Ex-b for taking the job? I did not want to be a Director, and had not been for a long time, so what was it that was making me so damned MAD! >:[

In my mind he was taking my place AND he was condoning what had happened to me.

He could have said "... wait-up ... I'm not happy with the way you treated OMG!" "Are you going to treat me that way?" That's the point, what would I think if I was in his shoes! A very prestigious CEO in my field of work gives me a call and says "Mate, I want to have a meeting with you, we want you to become our new Director, we have lots of big plans, and it's going to be great, we will pay you heaps, and all you have to do is come to a meeting once a month. It will look spectacular on your resume."

I am ex-b, what is going thru my mind? "Aaaaw, they did not treat OMG! that bad. She is still really mad with them though, so if I take this job she will be mad with me too." "I better not tell her."

Does the fact that I would not take it mean I am a Fool? Does the fact that many women would stick up for their friends rather than take a spectacularly fantastic job mean that we are all off our fucking heads? Should I let someone elses life experiences influence what I do in mine like that?

I am trying really, really hard to see this differently and expand my worldview, but all I can think is that it's cowardly and my wrath can't be that bad. :D So, this is a very boring blog post indeed!

The Excuse ...

"I did not want to hurt you. I knew that you would be upset ... that you would go off like this. I did not want to bring the past back up for you again ... you were doing so well, were making so much progress and moving on. I did not want to drag you back into it. I thought that if I did not tell you, you would never have to know, and you would be able to keep on moving forward. I did not want you to go back to your hometown again ... your settled in here, it is good for you ... I didn't want to ruin it."

Hmmmmmmm. Right. So you were looking after my best interests were you? How terribley decent and considerate of you. That's fantastic. Yeap, really, really humane. I guess the part where you continued to be my boyfriend and have sex with me for that entire time was all part of your charitable nature as well too, huh! Yeah, having sex with me had nothing to do with it. The fact that I would never, ever, ever have gone near you with a 10 foot pole had I known any of these things, is bye, the, bye. You were of course protecting me from my own delicate and vulnerable feelings .... not committing rape by deception!

"You just take one thing I have done wrong and forget all the good stuff, you are going to throw away our entire relationship just because I did this one thing!"

Yep I am .... aren't I awful! Kcccckh!